Underneath This Pressure
by Crimson Vixen
Summary: YAOI SQxZ Zell's stuck in a battle between his head and his heart. He holds a mighty crush on Squall, but something is holding him back.
1. Coming To Terms! A Heavy Heart

**A/N:** Listen up readers… I want to apologize ahead of time for any grammar issues. I mean, I go over it countless times but I always seem to misspell a word or use wrong formatting or SOMETHING, but I DO try so TRY to cut me some slack.

**Disclaimer:** Final Fantasy VIII and all related titles and characters belong to their rightful owners. But you should know this. I mean… If I owned them, do you really think I would be explaining this?

**Warnings:** First off, expect slow updates. I'm working on a few stories at once, which I know isn't really the greatest idea ever, but I really wanted to start this one up.

Secondly, the theme in this fic is **_not_** suited for little kiddies, I put our favorite hyperactive blonde in some messed up shit, and yup… **_YAOI! _**So if you're already feeling the chunks comin' up, I suggest you leave, cuz TRUST me, you ain't gonna like it.

Ah let's see… any word joiningslikethis are all fanfictions fault, I'm sure of it. It does it to me all the time.

Aside's from all of that, enjoy the fic, and please do be so kind as to leave a review. They are what keep me writing. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Enjoy, luvs!

**Pairing: **SQxZ

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**Underneath This Pressure**

_Written by your beloved Crimson Vixen_

**Chapter One – Coming To Terms! A Heavy Heart**

_**Zell's POV**_

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It hurt. A lot. 

Well, heh, I can't remember a time when it didn't.

The pain made me wince and grit my teeth to hold back the scream of agony that wanted more than anything to surface, but my body did not resist. I wasn't that stupid. Resistance would only tire me out and make the pain last longer. Screaming would encourage and make the burning heat even hotter.

My whole body was aching and felt uncomfortably hot, steaming, and my throat was raw... not from any screaming, but from pleading. He had called me weak because I was not ashamed to shed tears, and they only flowed harder.

I whimpered; something that I _was_ ashamed to do. Probably because doing so showed that I was still childish enough to do it. I was aware that I was mewling now, and no matter how hard I tried to cut them off, _he_ always managed to heighten them. It was like he knew all the ways to make a man break. Like he had mastered it.

As I felt another bump forming on my body from the lack of him caring about how hard and how soft he did things, I realized that I could never seem to remember how I had let it all happen… How I had let it go so far downhill…

_I never thought much of it at first, just dealt with it every time something happened. I mean, Seifer picked on me all the time. As kids it was taunting and name calling, your basic verbal and emotional abuse, and by the time we grew up and found ourselves in the same Garden, he had resorted to physical abuse as well. I remember brushing it off at first as though it was nothing but an attempt on his part to boil my water, but I eventually ended up trying to hide from him. Literally. Skipping class, telling peers that if Seifer asked, they hadn't seen me, and even running out of sight and ducking behind corners before he knew I was there._

_Then, it got to the point were I got a little concerned for my well being when his hand firmly cupped the crotch of my pants, leaving me with my mouth agape in a sore shock, only for him to grin and tell me that they were big for being a such chicken-wuss. He had licked his lips, and I had gone straight to my dorm to take a hot shower. A sour chunk of disgust kept trying to crawl its way up my windpipe, so I had left the toilet seat open and a towel set on the floor next to it… just in case._

_I guess… I just hoped it would all go away someday, but when no one was looking, he kept on messing with my head with little gestures and stares, causing me to become utterly lost and confused. When no one was around, it was things like letting his hand linger on my shoulder for a little bit too long or holding dangerous objects and using them to point at me when he spoke._

_Then…_

_Then, one day, the Bastard had followed me to the Training Centre, and I still hate myself to this very day for not noticing it until it was too late. He took a cheap shot and cast blind on me when I had my back turned. Then, while trying to find my balance, as well as what direction I was facing, he cast slow, and my limbs immediately became sluggish and heavy. My vision had gotten blurry, but my mind was clear as day, and I panicked, little red flags shooting up and warning bells going off in my head. _

_That's when he started drawing all of my magic from me. It didn't take him very long to take everything I had, 'coz I never brought much in the first place, as I like to use my hands and feet more than anything. Still, it felt a little strange not to have any thunder, my favorite element, with me. I had my GF with me, but I had a feeling that I would end up facing the wrong direction, or even stumble over, possibly faint, while trying to summon the Thunder Bird I was so close to._

_I was about to curse every word I knew at the jerk for pulling such a dirty trick just to steal all of my magic, but something deep in my gut told me that this was about something completely different. And I was right._

_As a first instinct, I tried to reach in my pocket for something, anything that would help me rid myself of my Blind and Slow status, but I couldn't feel the right bottle,for my fingers were so frantic in their search. And there was still the matter ofbeing able to aim it at myself. Of course, it didn't matter in the next few seconds._

_Soon, his hands were all over me, gloveless, roughly gliding along my arms and pulling my neatly tucked top out from my pants, sliding his hands under my shirt. His hands were freezing, and those icy blocks had me paralyzed as he secured my hands behind my back with unbelievable strength, preventing me from searching for any more curative items. Every struggle on my part ended in a stricter hold, as every attempt to fire back was missed and weak and slow, and was met with even stronger caresses._

_Even though making any sound with my voice made me want to spew, what with the way the world was spinning and jumping all over the place, I tried to anyway, but soon I discovered that I did not have a voice. I don't know if it was because I was too shocked to make it sound, or if Seifer's iron grip kept me from making me a stupid choice. Like a part of my brain was unconsciously making the smarter decision for me._

_It was then I knew the shit I was in. Not only then, but for times to come. Seifer found pleasure in causing me pain and sorrow and it was safe to conclude – and needless to say at this point – that he was attracted to people of the same sex. Course, Seifer always was a bit of a sadist. And apparently, I had satisfied him greatly; I remember his slick tongue tracing my ear and his hands somehow managing to remove my shirt completely. I was scared shitless, to say the least, when my belt had been undone and his fingers floated above the zipper of my pants. But by some** miracle**, he forced my shirt back on, scooping up dirt and smudging it onto my dazed face. His grip was all that kept me standing, as the dizziness was started to make me legs uncontrollably wobble, but I could hear and feel him tearing at my clothes, and eventually shove me to the waiting ground._

_It was such a violated feeling that was just dancing across my skin, and it was far more worse than the dirt that had gotten into my nose and mouth. I had gotten onto all fours and only then did I feel his presence. I swear to all that his holy, I never felt a heavier weight being lifted, or have such an overflowing ecstatic feeling in my chest._

_I lifted my head and had to squint, but Squalls stance was easy to place, and his style was recognizable enough for me to make out the fur on the top of his coat, and the red crossing belts over his black pants. I could't make out any facial expressions, but I could only imagine him trying to cover his worry with a listless mask._

_He did it often. The first time I had seen it was when he had saved my life from that guard in the D-District Prison. He had acted annoyed at my dramatic thank you's, tried to pry me off with the dull side of his weapon, and even rolled his eyes when Selphie asked how much I meant to him. But he was smirking when she said that, and had whispered my name when I was at his feet. Course… I don't think even Squall knew it at the time._

_Anyway, I could hear his footsteps coming up to me, slow at first, but they sped up with every other step,each step becoming a clearer vision of my condition. My ears picked up on Seifer's breathing, with was frayed but forced and faked, and his footfalls were not far behind Squall's. That's when I collapsed fully onto the dirt, and my hearing as well as sight started to diminish. _

_Just great. Now it looked like Seifer was my rescuer._

"_What the hell happened?" Squall had demanded. I was nervous; Squall's voice doesn't catch in his throat like that, nor does he fail in forcing his leader's tone not to waver. He knelt down next to me and slid his arms under mine, using all of his strength to lift my small but heavy frame. I twitched and flinched when Seifer's hands joined in._

_I opened my mouth to answer Squall. Snitch on that asshole and watch Squall give him the beating he deserved. 'Coz although Squall was good at putting up a show, he had grown to value each friendship he had, and refused to let any of them go… Or be harmed in any way._

_But Seifer had beaten me to it, and had already answered for me._

"_He told me he doesn't remember."_

_I let my body slump as the two dragged my sorry ass out of the Training Centre. I felt so weak. Blind and Slow don't always make a person as pathetic as I was at that time, though it does make them weary… I was more paralyzed by what had happened, and frustrated at how my limbs wouldn't move as quickly as I would want them to. Absolutely pissed that I – Friggen Zell Dincht! – wasn't able to defend myself._

"_Zell?" He sounded so calm, so much calmer than before, just like a leader should sound._

_I shuddered. Seifer had answered for me for a reason, after all. He doesn't waste his breath otherwise. But I could find out what that was all about later, I was too tired to worry about it, so I made it easy on myself, even though lying to Squall is always so hard for me to do. It's hard for me to lie to anybody._

"…_dun 'member…"_

_I had kind've blocked them out after that, getting too tied up in my own thoughts to even notice that they were still dragging me,or ask where it was we were headed. The last thing I remember was Squall asking – more like demanding – if Seifer had used any magic on me. He had said yes, only failed to mention that it wasn't healing magic he had used._

_But… It didn't end there, like I had somehow thought it would. Now that I think about, I don't know how I figured something like that would be a one time thing…_

_It had gotten to the point where when no one was around to prevent it, Seifer would repeat his actions, and every time, I refused to scream for help. And just like before, I didn't know if it was me, trepidation, or my pride as a SeeD. Whatever it was, however, it kept going, and history seemed to repeat itself. People started seeing me leave Seifer's dorm, and girls would giggle at the small bruises that could not be covered by my clothes. People were starting to think that… Think that me n'him were an item._

_If only they knew…_

_I… heh, I'm not even man enough to tell anyone the truth._

_Sorry but… being used as some sex toy for someone else to fulfill his own sexual and dominating desires didn't exactly make me feel like I was part of any couple. It doesn't really make a person feel loved._

That was… I don't even remember how long ago all of that was, but it's fresh in my mind like it ALL happened just yesterday. And like an idiot, I had… let it all happen. I don't know how it had gotten to the point where I was utterly pathetic in every sense of the word. But I had a good reason for not spilling; a reason I would die for.

But that reason was clueless to any of this. As far as I knew, anyway. I only wish that Squall knew how much he meant to me. We had gotten close over the years; best friends, even in Squall's eyes. I know… he had said so himself, and it's not every day you hear the lone wolf Squall say something like that.

But much like him, I had also put on a mask. Well, okay, sure I acted like the real me, but there were certain things I made a point to keep under wraps. I had slipped once or twice, calling him baby and overdoing the contact I used when talking to him… so I covered it up by calling other people the same name, and touching other people when I spoke to them, even if I didn't want to… but I guess there was no point to it, as he never gave it much thought, because he never said a thing.

It's no mystery to anybody; I've never been good at controlling my emotions. They always seemed to overload and cause trouble. Or was trouble just attracted to me? Anyway, it gave people the wrong impression of me. I talk a lot, I'll give you that but just 'coz someone yaps all the time doesn't mean they'll be an open book. (Anyone ever tell you not to judge a book by its cover?) Sure, I'll growl when I'm angry and I'll pout when I'm begging, and it's no act, but… does that really tell you about a person? I mean really tell you about someone, and not just their quirks? Does it tell who I am? What I fear? What I dream?

Squall was one of the first people to actually see me for me, and accept me for it, though he was the last to show it. He seemed cold to me at first, but he was like that to everybody back then. He's a lot more open now, though he still needs a little shove every once and a while. We're closer than ever now, but it never feels close enough. He often resorts to small touches when he has a conversation with me, like a light tap on the shoulder or a quick, playful run of his hand through my hair, and he only does that with me. And he smiles more. He has a great smile.

He often trains with me; usually it's only per my request, but I do it 'coz I love to be around him, but he still doesn't know that I love him and will gladly stand by his side through the best and worst of things. And he doesn't know how I crave for his touch more and more everyday, and how he makes me toss and turn at night, waking up in cold sweats and often needing to change my clothes in the middle of the night…

Ahem…

He doesn't know because If I tell him… If I tell him, the only thing I'd be doing is hurting him. I… don't want to hurt him. I can't tell him because of Seifer… Seifer…

Seifer told me… Told me that if I ever said a single word to anyone, especially Squall, he would make sure I suffered for it. He had told me over and over again… NOT to get close to him.

And I worry 'coz the off switch on my mouth has too much oil and it can never stop in time.

I can't even imagine what he would do to me that would serve as a punishment worse that what he was already doing. But I kept my mouth shut because what if… That suffering was Squall's? What if he did something to Squall for a blunder that I pulled…? I would never forgive myself.

So I kept it a secret, just like Seifer told me to, only because I wanted to protect Squall.

I shook my head violently, though I wish I hadn't done so because it brought me back into the present, where my predicament was… not something I was taking a liking to… though by now it was normal.

"You chickenshit," Seifer's voice always frightens me; it's so hard and menacing, and cold just like his hands. It suited him well. It's difficult not to look at him though, for some reason I'll never be able to figure out. His eyes are just so… Well, have you even seen something that brought terror to your heart, but you can't tear your eyes away from it _because _it's so terrifying? It was kind of like that. I wanted to spit in his face.

'Coz… I've been a rebel lately; I've been talking back more and more and have simply been misbehaving during our 'sessions'.

And if I do that enough, like to the point where he gets too miffed by it all, he gives me the lecture. The one that always makes me regret my haphazard bursts of courage, though I never seem to learn from them.

"How many times do I have to knock sense into that thick head of yours?"

Seifer _knew_ about my feelings for Squall. He knew because I can't control what I feel, that my stupid heart beats for Squall so desperately. He knew because on the seldom occasion he would strike a spot that made me unwillingly moan in pleasure, it came out as Squall's name. Just like my little slip at the TV Station, the sounds that came out of my mouth were realized only after it was too late, and Seifer would get furious when it happened.

Lately, I've been resisting the urges to moan as much as I can. He already thinks I imagine it is Squall that is trying to seduce me, not him. But that's not true, because Squall would never do the things that Seifer has been doing. Never. I _know _he wouldn't, and it's impossible for me to even imagine it.

"A guy like that could never love a shit like you. I don't even know how he puts up with you. You should be thankful for this."

The '_this'_ he was referring to was himself, and the attention he was giving to me, or at least that was what he had said when I asked him for the first time. It was a taunt, and it was hitting me hard, even though I knew that almost everything he said was a lie. But even when your head tells you one thing, the words still sting, and they stay, and they can screw with logic if you let them be long enough.

And with my heart forever dominating my head, it was easy for such words to make me believe what I know is a lie. Doubt is such an ugly thing. It can destroy even the lightest bit of hope.

I was slumped, slumped and defeated, just like so many nights before… for the hundredth time in who _knew_ how long. Stripped of any and all faith and security and clothing… and laid bare on his bed, I was left vulnerable and sensitive to even the simplest thing. …Again. Both of which, were feelings I didn't like at all.

Most nights, he'll put me in a new position or experiment something new he had just thought of the night before, just to see if he liked it or not. By the end of the night, I'm always so tired. The bags that were forming under my eyes kept getting bigger and darker, my grades have been falling like an anchor, and it's getting harder and harder to concentrate during the day. My appetite is nowhere near as big as it used to be; even the hotdogs in the Cafeteria don't seem very satisfying anymore. And it's getting difficult to find the time and the energy to train and exercise, something I love to do.

Tonight's position was basic; something he did when he was too lazy to try anything new. I was sprawled on his bed, my arms uneasily pulled over my head and securely bound to the head board with some handcuffs that I was starting to think were made of some super-metal. My feet had been left free; something I was grateful for. They were currently twisted in the sheets, courtesy of my attempts to sloppily cover myself from the waist down. Seifer must have been in a good mood, 'coz he didn't do anything about it.

My fingers curled, balling my hands into fists, and I gave a tug at the cold metal that dug deep into my wrists. They were tight enough to make every motion of my hands a regretful one, where I was only hopelessly straining myself, and it made things easier for _him_.

"It's pitiful, the way you follow him around like some homesick puppy. Loyal, dependable, but effortless to boss around and so _easy_ to train."

He was calling me weak; something that somehow always struck a nerve, and he knew it. Then again, I can't remember how many times we went through this discussion, but it only seemed to effect me more each and every time.

He was wearing a white T-shirt and navy boxers and nothing else, crawling onto the foot of the bed. A terrified tingle in the lowest part of my stomach was suffocating me as he seated himself all nice and cozy at my feet. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but choked on it, biting my lower lip to block the whimper as Seifer slipped a hand under the sheets without effort, even with the way they all interweaved in themselves and me. His coarse fingers were tickling my ankle.

"Everyone has dreams, chickie. Even you, am I right?" His grin was feral. "Even _you_ want to live your own fairy-tale. Your perfect ending. You're such a dreamer."

I squeezed my eyes shut. Sweat that had been beading on my forehead had somehow flowed down my face without my knowing it, and had spilled into my eyes, stinging on contact. Seifer's hand was now fully wrapped around my ankle, and he let out a satisfied breath., as if his skin touching mine was enough to intoxicate him.

"So doesn't the idea of being with a knight make your heart soar?"

It was obvious he was talking about himself, he always did. His hand started to trail up my leg, stopping at my kneecap to wriggle his fingers there.

"Or does that… only ruffle your feathers?"

He told me too many times how he loved the feel of me. He would rant on and on about soft skin and toned muscles, broad shoulders and an innocent face. It made me sick.

The sweat in my eyes was gone and forgotten, but the tears that wanted to chase it kept me from seeing clearly. The defenselessness of exposure and the embarrassment of the situation itself was something I had eventually learned to accept. But his words… It was his words I couldn't handle.

I knew what was coming next. It was the part I always prepared myself for the most, but it was never enough.

"Squall's not the hero everyone thinks he is."

'Coz it's bullshit. Squall _is_ a hero. He's more than that. He's my world...

His hand resumed its path, getting rougher and pushing harder as it crept up my thigh and dangerously close to other things.

"You don't believe me? Still?"

My breath hitched. Seifer was crawling closer now, stopping just above my stomach and straddling me there. He let his finger hover over my collarbone, letting me feel only a ghost of a touch as he let it trail in oddly deformed circles around my chest, sides, and neck. Every so often, he would favor my nipples, and I had to chomp down maliciously on my bottom lip to swallow ANY sound, causing it to bleed. Finally, he pressed the full size of his hands onto my chest, gliding them around like it didn't hurt me.

I gasped at the sudden rush of cold that came from his touch, but quickly adjusted. Still, I could feel myself shiver – out of the temperature or the wailing of my heart, I don't know – and I kept quaking, while the blonde on top of me rubbed the length of both of my arms, uncaringly squeezing my muscles in rapturous pleasure, enough that I knew there would be bruises there later, eventually moving on to my neck, rubbing it. I gave a small grunt in protest, and he went on with the lecture that by now, he had mastered.

"Trust me, he's no hero. It would be smart of you to ditch that little fantasy of yours," he chuckled, cruelly and sarcastically.

Like always, he saw the difference in my eyes, and like always, he said what he always did.

"If he's such a hero to you, where is he now?"

I closed my eyes only because I couldn't cover my ears. I didn't want to hear any of this. Squall wasn't here because he didn't know. If he knew… he'd be here in a second spite Seifer's threats. His threats were never empty, that was for sure, but it never scared Squall. However, I wasn't expecting him to burst through the door, defeat the bad guy, and ride off with me on a white stallion, be uh… yeah, he _definitely _wouldn't let this go down. But if I told him… about my feelings, or this… if he knew…

If he _knew_…

"You can't keep lying to yourself, Zell," him saying my actual name meant he wanted me to pay serious attention, and I pried my eyes open, seeing his hands framing my face out of the corners of my eyes, as they were now cupping my cheeks. Somehow, I couldn't feel them.

"There's no such thing as heros…"

He was sprawled on top of me now, charging at my face, pulling me towards his, and his lips were on mine in the next instant.

I always try to resist when he does it, not caring about the consequences; it just feels too WRONG for his lips to be there. Uh… I mean, everything he does feels wrong, but… Along with already feeling violated and unclean, My Grandfather had once told me, and something inside me tells me as well, that a kiss is something special that you share with someone else you think is special… and Seifer was not that person. I always try to fight it, but there's never anywhere to run. All I can do is bury the back of my head deeper into the pillow, but eventually, I'm not able to pull away.

His tongue had forced its way into my mouth and he was devouring it. My whimpers grew frantic, sounding more like muffled groans of encouragement, and I tried to pull away, tried to pull my head back but the fucking bed was in the fucking way, and he only dove deeper. Twisting my head to the side only allowed him to adjust his weight on top of me.

Once he had proven that he was determined to kiss me either way, his hands left my face only after tracing my tattoo, and landed firmly at my hips. His hands started to rub in small circles, and forced their way under my ass, cupping either cheek with his freezing palms.

One profound cry escaped my mouth, only throwing my tongue more into Seifer's, and I jerked forward as if I could sit up if I tried, but he pushed me back down with his mouth. I only closed my eyes tighter; what could I do?

"Don't do that... If you make faces, it won't be as enjoyable..."

The tears that I had been holding back finally emerged when his hands started to slowly squeeze where they were located, soft at first, then harsh, then downright painful. I could feel something moving from within his boxers; it was pressing into my stomach. His tongue left my mouth, leaving a bitter taste, and let it roam over to the side, where he kissed and licked at my cheek. The sick bastard was eating my tears, and humming in satisfaction.

In seconds that seemed more like hours, he pulled away and rolled off of the bed, breathing hard and licking his lips.

He glided over to the corner of the room, where his gunblade sat obediently. His hand reached out to pet the trigger, then he ran his finger gently down the blade. Any interaction with Seifer and his weapon sent my stomach on the craziest of rollercoaster rides, and I have to swallow the spiteful saliva that explodes from my throat and into my mouth.

At least it tasted better than Seifer.

My head rose as high as my arrangement would let me, and my eyes trailed down to my stomach and chest, where marks and cuts from previous sittings infected my flesh. They were ugly, and were taking their good old time fading. I'm usually a fast healer, but my scars take somewhere near a lifetime to disappear.

The physical ones anyway...

With his hand resting on the handle of his favorite toy, he looked over at me. I… I don't want him to bring that thing over here, I don't want to put up with it tonight. I'm getting sick of seeing pink water run down the drain of my shower, and of trying to find clothing that would cover all the marks.

But, somebody up there must still like me – if only just a little bit – because he walked to the other side of the room without the weapon, keeping his eyes on me and putting his pointer finger and thumb to his lips, kissing it and pulling it away like he had just finished a wonderful meal.

"You taste so good, you know that?"

And for the first time the whole entire night, I said something, forcing myself to sound strong even though I felt so weak.

"Fuck you, Seifer."

He grinned and leaned in close to pat annoyingly at my stained cheek.

"Not yet, chickie, not yet…"

He left the room after that, like so many times, leaving a shrill gust of nothingness that proved I was alone again. Sometimes it's for a few minutes, sometimes it's for the rest of the night. Sometimes, it's till he remembers. But he leaves me there, as if I wasn't even there to begine with, as if I didn't have things to do, and as if I could recharge in the dark and would be ready for another round when he got back.

'Not yet', huh…?

True, Seifer had not actually molested me to the point of… rape… w-which at this point, is the only thing I can be thankful for. But this dread in my stomach grows every day, because Seifer seemed like hewas the kind of guy to go through with something like that…

I gave one last pull at my bonds, but they were just as strong as they always were. In my head, I knew I had to avoid getting too close to Squall… at least when Seifer was around. Admitting my feelings was out of the question now; it would just cause problems for Squall, maybe even hurt him, or the both of us. It was easy, easy to figure out. My head understood it completely, crystal clear like glass! My brain was totally sure of itself!

…I just hope that... my heart can comprehend it.


	2. Introduction To Chance

**A/N:** Listen up readers… I want to apologize ahead of time for any grammar issues. I mean, I go over it countless times but I always seem to misspell a word or use wrong formatting or SOMETHING, but I DO try so TRY to cut me some slack.

For those of you who care, or if it even matters, POV's will be switching between Squall and Zell. Never in the middle of chapter; I feel like that kinda ruins the mood a little bit. POV's will vary depending on the contents/events of a chapter.

Aside's from all of that, enjoy the fic, and please do be so kind as to leave a review. Enjoy, luvs!

**Disclaimer:** Final Fantasy VIII and all related titles and characters belong to their rightful owners. But you should know this. I mean… If I owned them, do you really think I would be explaining all of this?

**Warnings:** First off, expect slow updates. I'm working on a few stories at once, which I know isn't really the greatest idea ever, but I really wanted to start this one up.

Secondly, the theme in this fic is **_not_** suited for little kiddies, I put our favorite hyperactive blonde in some messed up shit, and yup… **_YAOI! _**So if you're already feeling the chunks comin' up, I suggest you leave, cuz TRUST me, you ain't gonna like it.

Ah let's see… any word joiningslikethis are all fanfictions fault, I'm sure of it.

**Pairing: **SQxZ

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**Underneath This Pressure**

_Written by your beloved Crimson Vixen_

**Chapter Two – Introduction To Chance**

_**Squall's POV**_

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"No more, please. I'm tired."

It wasn't a lie, I was beat, and it was only eight at night. I needed to get away from all the nagging and responsibility. As much respect as I have for Quistis, I can only take her nonstop orders for so long before I want to take a break.

She had me go to the Training Centre to help teach the basics of combat to a couple of newbie's. They weren't hard-headed, just had a hard time paying attention. Of course, junctioning and equipping were always hard to understand the first time. They were clueless as to how to handle their own weapons, only because they didn't know what they wanted to use when they arrived at Garden, and thus were forced to use what they were given until they made up their mind. Not only that, they didn't know how to use items logically instead of excessively.

Seven straight hours, which was two more hours than what I was originally supposed to teach, had worn me out, and now all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep it all off.

But simple things like that are never as easy as they should be.

I tilted slightly to the side, the weight of my gunblade making it hard for me to stand up straight. Didn't matter, because my dorm was only down the hall, just around the corner. But before I could get close enough, a flash of yellow appeared before my eyes, and I knew I was in trouble.

Her voice was high and full of cheer as she tittered, which was normal for her, flaring a pearly white smile. She jerked her head to the side to move aside her brown hair, which was just as bouncy as her, and she made sure to stand in my way so that I would be forced to look at her. Slowly I raised my head, and she giggled again.

"Hey, Squall!" She greeted with a smile. "I just wanted to let you know that there's a dance coming upsoon, courtesy of the Garden Festival Committee! You should go!"

Oh. That's right. Selphie was always more excited than usual when it came to her beloved committee, because she loved to make people happy, loved to see them smile. And she had recently been trying desperately to get a dance going, because it would bring everyone together and let them have a good time, and make everyone forget about the war that ended just three months ago.

I looked her square in the eyes, and let out a sigh.

"Selphie…"

She frowned, but it lasted for only a second. She meant well, but never seemed to understand that even if an idea pleased me, it didn't mean I would hop up and down.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to, Squall. But you really should, I think you'd enjoy it. I mean, you're an awesome dancer!"

I raised a brow. I never knew one dance with Rinoa would haunt me so much.

"You saw that?"

"Of course!"

"I don't think I'll be taking Rinoa to any dance, sorry"

"W'll…" She placed a thoughtful finger to her delicate chin, keeping her eyes on me. "No one ever said you had to go with Rinoa…"

Her eyes were hopeful, and I got the feeling that she was plotting to lead the conversation to where it currently was since the beginning. She was a sneaky little girl; that was for sure. I squinted my eyes at her as she continued.

"Oh, Squall, I'm sure there's someone else you can take."

When she finally figured out that I wasn't going to say anything else to her about it, she sighed in defeat, patting my shoulder as she passed by me, probably hoping that her words would stick with me long enough for me to think about them. They stuck, and I did, as she trotted off and around the corner to spread the news of her upcoming dance.

Once she was gone, I carried on with my short journey to my door, but the path was just getting longer and longer when Quistis' voice rang out from behind me, but I kept on walking. She had been following me around most of the day, trying to get me to do more than what I was already doing, telling me that it would be greatly appreciated if I got up – _before_ the sun – to give the new students another lesson.

I told her I would sleep on it, but that wasn't good enough for her. She told me that if I slept on it, I would probably sleep _in_, and she was still yammering on about duties and leadership and being a good example. She was going on about it right now, as she chased me down the hallway, but I was in my dorm and shutting the door before she could reach me. She would probably fume about it for a full minute before her teacher instincts took over and forced her to let it go. In fact, I'm sure of it, otherwise I wouldn't have been so sure of myself while shutting the door on her.

It wasn't like I wanted to get away from her, just the jobs that _came_ from her. Nobody seemed to understand that I was just another human being.

I could see her shadow at the bottom of my door. It stayed there for a while; she was probably wondering whether she should knock of not, but eventually left, and I was finally free.

My bed was unmade, but still looked rather inviting, and I was really intent on occupying it, but my day… seemed unfinished. Incomplete. And I had a strange feeling I knew what it was but at the same time couldn't place it.

But before I had the chance to even think about it, there was another knock at my door. I groaned and rolled my eyes, letting the back of my head rest against the woodwork. The knock came again, louder and more persistent, probing at my skull, and still I refused to touch the doorknob. Maybe it was Selphie again, coming back to see if I figured out what she meant yet. Or maybe I was wrong about her going away and it was Quistis, determined to finish what she had started.

Another knock, faster that the first two times. Not answering the frantic knocking wasn't going to make it go away, so I answered it.

There stood Zell, someone I _wasn't_ expecting, somehow. But as much as the sight of the young blonde made me forget about everything else that happened that day, he looked miserable, like he hadn't had any peace in weeks. I had noticed it a while agotoo, but figured it was just a faze, but from the looks of it now… His eyes were cast downward, until I cleared my throat and he realized I had opened the door.

His eyes immediately lit up and his lips spread into a wide, toothy grin. His trademark smile, one that made me weak in the knees, even though it seemed forced now. As if overjoyed that I had answered his knocking, his arms spread as wide as their length would allow, as if to embrace me, only it was out of pure excitement to see me.

"Squall!"

I quirked a brow; the kid was so easy to please. But maybe that was one of the things I found so likable about him; the fact that he was so full of life, like his supply of youth never ran dry. He was so care-free and happy, and was always concerned about others above himself. Not to mention, to balance out his hot temper and outbursts and impulsive nature, he had the most determined heart I had ever come across. He was just what I needed then.

Zell made all the bad things disappear, like they never happened in the first place. When he came around, nothing else mattered, because by being there, there was no one to impress, no one to coddle, and someone who listened intently and seriously, and didn't ask for an explanation. He just is.

I stepped aside, allowing him to pass me and enter my room, and I shut the door behind him. The tattooed boy headed straight for my bed, hopping with the skill only a martial artist could have off the balls of his feet, landing on my mattress. His hands went to hold him up in a sitting position while his feet dangled over the side, tapping on the floor to allow him a small constant bounce on my bed, only because he could not sit in silence without doing something with his body.

"Zell…" I was happy to see him, but something about the way he looked was slightly irking. Like something wasn't right. I never believed in something like sixth sense, but sometimes I wonder, because I tend to get these strange twists in my chest when I feel like something I wrong. It happened when I went back to warn Garden about possible missiles only to find the place in complete chaos. I got it when Irvine's bullet missed its target, which ended up with me having sharp icicles lunged into my shoulder. And that same feeling came hotter than ever in the D-District prison, when Zell stayed behind to allow the rest of us a means of escape. That was when gunshot filled my ears.

And I was getting it now, but like always, I tried to ignore it.

"Squall…" He tilted his head to the side, piercing eyes landing on me in worry. It was then I realized he was still waiting for me to continue. I shook my head lightly, taking a seat next to Zell on the bed.

"You…" I bit my lower lip when I looked at him. His eyes were such a captivating shade of blue, it was almost unnatural. But that didn't cover for him. "…look like shit."

Oh _real _nice.

Zell grinned wide, and let out a spacious chuckle, his shoulders quickly rising and falling with the action. His laughter was sweet and, dare I say it, cute, but I had placed a hand on his shoulder and given him a concerned stare, and he stopped, giving me an even look.

"Don't worry about it, Squall," he waved a dismissive hand at me, causing me to release his shoulder, and he stood up and wondered over the corner of my dorm. He started to bounce from right foot to left foot, balling his hands into fists, facing the corner of my room. A hand quickly shot out and retreated in the blink of an eye, allowing me to see only a blur of black leather and golden skin. He was shadow boxing, something he did when he was bored, angry, or focusing... or trying to avoid something.

And I wanted to know what it was, even though it was probably none of my business. I wasn't going to pry into it, because trying to make Zell spill when he didn't want to was like taunting a volcano. Forcing him to tell when he wanted to keep it secluded would only end up in his emotions getting in a bundle, and his words coming out before they were approved by his brain, and his fists uncontrollably flying at whatever they could. When Zell's emotions and personal feelings were at stake, I didn't want to tamper with them, because it just wouldn't be the right thing to do to someone, when you care about them the way I care about Zell Dincht.

By nature Zell was a fighter, and was strong in both body and mind. It was just the way he was, touched by the training of a SeeD. But there were times -moments like this- that even he could go into a fragile state.

And I didn't want to break any of the undying trust that he had in me, because that… was a lot. When dealing with someone like Zell, you couldn't try to encourage his words to come out; you had to wait until _he _was ready.

Zell was always lively, active, always moving, but even when doing something like shadow boxing, which was as natural as breathing to him, seemed a little off beat, faltered. His heavy panting came earlier than normal, and his speed, though faster than my eyes could follow, was suffering.

His body was tired, even if his mind didn't want to accept it. Fair, pale skin with a heavy accent of gold was Zell's natural skin tone, but even now that seemed a little less full, maybe even carrying around a tint of grey. Dark circles formed under his eyes that, at a quick glance, could pull off as black holes due to his carelessness. Redness had declared the once white of his eyes as its own, whether it be from tears or lack of sleep, and his proud, tall stride was now dragging, lagging and sluggish.

His whole image reeked of tribulations, even though he was a master at hiding it. But I knew him too well, almost as well as he could translate my eyes, grunts, everything... I knew him well enough to know that he didn't like to bother me with things like that; things like his problems. In fact, it was almost like his personal mission to please me, make me happy, show me that he was steadfast, when he had nothing to prove. 'Coz I already believe in him.

When the topic of the energetic boy in front of me came up, it was always said how open he is. True, words seem to pour out like water from a bucket from the blonde's mouth, and his body took control of itself when his emotions were provoked enough, but… Zell never MEANT for any of that to happen. I can tell by looking at his face, that he regrets the words and the dented walls, and the people that he's frightened, because he never meant for any of it. But it happens, and he can't seem to control it. It's something that's… always bothered him, even to this day.

I can see it in his eyes, in those endless swirls of pureness and spangles that reminded me of the unexplored universe.

Of course, whether he's noticed it or not, he's been doing a lot better. Not different, but better. He was trying so hard, and I think it was all because he wanted to prove he could handle it. To himself, and to me.

I just sat there and watched him; watched his muscles tense and relax, his breathing controlled and manipulated the way he wanted, until he finally grew tired of his little diversion, letting his hands fall to his sides. He turned to me, teeth bared and brows knitted in a silent apology.

"Listen, man, I didn't mean to barge in on ya like this," he gave a good tug at one of his gloves, flexing his fingers until he was satisfied. "I'll just let ya alone."

Without so much as a glance, he headed for the door, pace quickening with each step, as if the door would lock him in if he stayed too long. I wanted to call his name and make him stay, or reach out and grab his arm to stop him, or do _something_ because he was getting to that door awfully fast…

But I didn't do a damn thing. I let him leave, let him walk out the door, because he was troubled, and keeping him here when he didn't intend on sharing would prove nothing short of pointless. Not only that, but I was never good with words. But Zell was right across the hall from me, I could see him whenever I wanted, and if he wasn't in his dorm, I knew him well enough to know where to find him otherwise, and if Zell felt the need to, he would come back here. Simple as that.

So Zell would return to me when he was ready. But that night, he never did. And that didn't make it any easier for me to go back to sleep…

--

* * *

--

A sound came into my earshot, but my brain did not comprehend what it was. The sound grew louder and clearer with every time it sounded, and my eyes finally opened. Oh yeah, I had fallen asleep, and someone was, once again, knocking at my door. For a second I thought it might be Zell, finally deciding to come back and erase the night before or make up for it somehow. But one look at the clock told me it was late in the morning, early afternoon, so Zell was probably already down at the cafeteria. But I answered it because let's face it... Life is all about chances.

I wasn't expecting to see Rinoa, though I guess it really isn't too much of a surprise. But there she was, genuine smile and twinkling eyes and all, her arms behind her back and leaning forward so she had to lift her head to look at me. Her skin was milky white and her face was pretty, and I knew she was beautiful... but somehow, that didn't seem important. She took a single step into my dorm, implying that she wanted to gain entrance.

"Hey there, Squall. There's no more classes for me today and I didn't eat yet." She was fully in the door now, head tilting to the side in a successful attempt to look cute. "Come with me?"

I wasmore tired thanhungry, but the thought of the cafeteria made me remember what was missing from my day already.

Anyone who has had the hot dogs at Balamb Garden will tell you how good they were. And I knew of one person who would literally race down there to get himself a sample. That guy was the only person who got me through the day, got me out of bed. It would really suck if I didn't see the one thing that makes the day better. More than half of the time, he could be found at one of the far tables in the corner, fingering his usually empty plate. Lately he's been getting there on time; he had set his alarm to go off a little bit before the cafe opened, and he's the first one in line.

I nodded my head to the still waiting Rinoa, and together we left the dorms. Her arms flung themselves around me, and she rested her head on my shoulder. I held my breath as she nuzzled her cheek into my sleeve.

Now, I'm not loveless, I care about those around me. I care about Rinoa and at a point... I thought I even loved her. But in the end, it didn't feel right. Her childish antics were something I could deal with, but it all seemed so forced, like she was trying to make me notice. There was also her clinginess. Not that human contact is unbearable, but her nails dug into me when she pulled me out to dance, and again when she was at my knees, telling me how scared she was when there was nothing I could do. And than another time when she was begging for something. She had even asked me to be her knight...

My mind had been flooded and I was believing what everyone wanted us to. From the very beginning, everyone was trying to push her and me at each other, like somehow, it was fate. They just kept... hinting and hinting that getting together would be a good thing, and after a while, all of that implying and forcing... I had started to believe it. I actually thought that I loved her. I went along with her childish talk and her silly questions, telling myself it was okay to be a little uneasy 'coz everyone else says it's right.

I remember... I remember the twist in my chest, just underneath the Griever necklace, the overwhelming state of confusion when Rinoa and I were at the orphanage, where she asked me to be her knight. My head was convinced that I was happy, that I was in love, that it was how it was supposed to be no matter what but... But I remember Zell running into the scene, and my joy had lifted a thousand times over. This is what confused me; wasn't I already happy? I mean, if I was so happy, than how come I felt so much _better _when Zell came running up to us during our conversation to deliver some news. I realized the warm feeling that flooded into my veins when he came around, like he carried the happiness for me, and took it with him when he left.

I had been curious from the start; about my feelings for the hyperactive blonde, they were always so hard to figure out. Now that I think about it, I fell in love the moment he smiled at me for the first time. That winning grin had won me - the cold loner - over, and when I saw him run up to us at the orphanage, interrupting Rinoa and I, I noticed how deep a blue his eyes were, and just how bright that smile was. Any previous thoughts about my love for the raven-haired girl in blue were questioned, and true love isn't doubted.

I remember I was on my knees when I was having this tangent in my head. Rinoa in front of me and Zell to my right and just out of reach. Zell could easily analyze the situation in front of him. The blonde was perceptive, more so than anyone seemed to want to believe. He saw the scene before him... Me, and a beautiful girl that everyone was devoted to sticking together, and a picture perfect view with the rays of the sun shining down on us all with a gentle orange glow. His eyes had quickly gained a glisten as he turned his back to us, trying to hide whatever emotion was crawling into his handsome features as he gave thenews he was sent to deliver. Like the sight was too hard to accept.

I myself couldn't even watch. As he finished his message, he ran off, faster than I had ever seen, and the dread, the same feeling I had earlier thought to be happiness, fell onto me again. That's when the major debate made itself known.

Who did my heart belong to? From the beginning... The beautiful, kind hearted and innocent Rinoa? Or the just as kind, determined fire that was Zell Dincht?

When the mission was over, and the world was at peace, my heart confirmed what it had been questioning since the blonde first shot those sharp teeth my way. There was a party held at Balamb Garden soon after returning from Time Compression and the war itself. Quistis was instructing again and chatting with Cid. Selphie was running around shoving a camera in peoples faces and Irvine was her partner in crime, and Zell was feasting on his favorite dish. Rinoa had silently summoned me to the balcony, where she wrapped her arms around me.

And we kissed.

I... I've never tasted anything so bitterly wrong. It wasn't that she was bad, but my heart was too preoccupied to feel anything in it. The contact was there, but other than that… nothing. The moment our lips had met, it triggered everything. Everythinghad always been right under my nose:

Rinoa's questions and probing were all forced quirks of her personality that she displayed to make my notice her. Zell's questions were true and from pure and serious curiosity. While Rinoa wanted one thing, she wouldn't be sure if she was willing to go through with the danger for it. Zell was impulsive but would give up everything he had to fight for what he believed in. Not only that, but I've never had someone so loyal by my side, ready and willing to blindly follow my every word, even if he knew the consequences were deadly.

Zell would die for what he believed in. And he believed in me.

Rinoa kept her head tucked into me as we stepped foot into the cafeteria, dragging me out of my little flashbacks that seemingly came out of nowhere; it smelled of meat and eggs. She looked to the line that was forming, and I looked over to the corner and sure enough, Zell was sitting there, poking at an empty plate and hollow milk carton.

"You go find us a seat, I'll get us some food," she unlocked her arms from mine and made her way to the line, shaking her hips from side to side in a way that looked too overly done to be natural.

While she waited for her turn, I went over to Zell's table and took a seat next to him. He was slouched in his chair enough so that his eyes were level with the table's rim. When I sat down, he cleared his throat and slid up in his chair.

I wanted to ask him if he was alright, but words like that were hard for me to come by, so I looked at him instead, because Zell had mastered reading my facial expressions. His eyes were soft and shiny from fatigue, red brimming around his suddenly clouded irises, and mouth barely open as if he didn't even have the energy to keep it shut. His hair wasn't vertical in the front like it should have been, there was no gel in his hair at all; amazingly, his hair still remained in spikes, thought those thick long spiky bangs were hanging lifelessly in front of his face and eyes. He looked so miserable, but he somehow managed to look just as gorgeous as ever.

Don't ever expect to hear that one out loud.

He looked at me, struggling to lift his head. His eyes were sad until he saw me, then he gave me a genuine smile. The same one I fell in love with.

I looked at him and he took a moment to scan my face, trying to translate in his head.

"Everything's fine. I'm just... tired, is all."

_You don't seem fine. Not now and not last night._

"You sure?" I couldn't stand to see him like this, and I wanted him to talk to me. People usually think that when someone has as many tantrums and emotional outbursts as Zell, they don't have anything to hide. But Zell was as complex as everyone else, and had his own secrets to keep. He threw a lot of things out there but he kept a good amount to himself. Next to me, he was probably the most troubled soul in Garden, it was almost sad that no one took note. That was how good he was. With his smile, and his natural ability to act as happy as everyone expected of him, he hadtotal controlthe art of emotional and mental trickery. But when someone like me, someone who used to go with the flow and rarely ever spoke my mind, you tend to watch people, and noticing these things was like a second nature.

He sat up straight in his chair, looking over to the other side of the room, brows unconsciously knitting together and lips tightening, for one second. He finally looked at me again and nodded his head firmly.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Zell... about last night..."

"Forget about last night, a'right?. Just forget it ever happened." Zell's natural defensive tone was piercing, and I watched as his expression twisted into sadness. I could tell he regretted his words and he pushed his plate and carton aside, scooting his chair closer to mine so that our knees were barely touching. His voice very noticeably softened, airy and light while at the same time deeper.

"I guess... I guess I'm just..."

I always hated it when people beat around the bush, building up something just to tell you one thing that by the time it was said, didn't seem all too important. But it's different with Zell. He never means to pause or stutter or build up the moment. He just didn't know how to say what he wanted to, wasn't sure how to go about something. I know because he's honest.

"I'm just having a streak of bad luck, that's all."

I sighed. Just because he was honest, didn't mean he told the whole story.

Visibly burdened by his own statement, his shoulders sagged, and for a second it looked like even his already limp bangs sunk further. His left arm outstretched to lay across the table, tapping his fingers in a freestyle rhythm.

"Bad luck, huh?"

He managed to grin at me, nodding his head truthfully. With a sigh I bowed my head, reaching around to the back of my neck to grab that chain that was there. I pulled the necklace off; it jingled as I held it over Zell's drumming fingers, letting it dangle until Zell finally took the hint.

Blue eyes hit me with a load of wonderment and curiosity, like they always did, and lighter blue swirling like currents through the darker shades. It was obvious he was unsure, and he hesitated before flipping his hand so that his palm was facing upwards his fingers extended so I could gently lower the necklace. It curled up nicely in his gloved hand, and as soon as I let the chain go, his fingers wrapped around it protectively.

"Squall..?"

"It brings me luck. Maybe you should hang onto it for a little while."

"But… this is your—I mean, what if I—"

"I trust you."

Something about being able to talk to him the way I did made me feel… well, good. The toothy grins he always shot my way made it worth it, too. Zell was simply easy to talk to, he liked to hear people out. And for him to hear those three words coming from me, though not as powerful as a certain other three words, was enough to strike a symphony on the chords of his heart.

The light fist containing my trinket flew to his chest as his other hand combed through his hair quickly, faintly bristling his long bangs, giving them a slight bounce, bringing the hand down to rub the back of his head as he gave me a meaningful glance in return.

"Thanks, man," he said, and as he placed it around his neck, he whispered words I wasn't sure were meant for me, or himself. "…means a lot to me…"

_Only for you,_ was what I wanted to say, but giving him Griever said more than I ever could, and we both knew it. Besides, it looked good on him, somehow managing to accent his golden skin, but as I mused over this, he tucked it under his shirt, with strange hesitancy.

"Listen. Squall…" Zell started but was cut off by Rinoa's simultaneous saying of my name. What was perhaps the greatest martial artist of his time smiled apologetically, placing an open hand onto the table to rise.

"I'll catch you later, I have something…" whatever it was that Zell had said, he trailed off too soon for me to be able to hear the rest. Didn't know if it was on purpose or not, it sounded something like '_something I gotta do'_ but I couldn't be too sure. I wanted to ask him to repeat, but Rinoa was getting closer, and he started to take his leave, but my hand had latched to his wrist without me knowing it.

"Wait."

He waited, his perfectly blue eyes scanning the room before landing on me, pulling his hand free, bringing it to his chest to pull his gloves on tighter.

"You can always come to me."

It was hard for me to say, and could have been taken several ways, but Zell understood, and for him, it needed to be said at the time. Just as I finished my words, Rinoa had reached us, and Zell appeared like he didn't want to speak in front of her, like he didn't want the moment to reach anyone else. So he nodded at me firmly, - a silent confirmation on his part: _'I know' - _brow arched in unknown worry, and he left, not even looking at Rinoa as he passed her, who curiously stared after the tattooed boy as he marched out of the room.

"Something wrong?" She tilted her head, honestly worried, her nurturing instincts taking over.

I watched as Zell turned the corner and out of sight before shaking my head, no. She smiled and sat down suffocatingly close with her tray. But with Zell gone, I suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore. Rinoa gobbled up her food happily as my eyes scanned the area. It was more of a hang out than a lunchroom, most people just chatted with their friends and played around on their laptops. One particular person stood out to me; Seifer. He always carried his gunblade around with him, even in the rooms where weapons were not permitted, only because he felt privileged enough to ignore the rules as a plus of being on the Disciplinary Committee. He was taking powerful strides with a look of mild fury as he left only minutes after Zell.

That guy always had something to seethe about.

The gut feeling that made itself known was strangely foreign to me, and with Rinoa talking about her day, and trying to feed me food (which was repeatedly refused), the feeling was pushed to the sidelines, though it faintly remained.

Her pale hand rested on mine, and I looked down on it, then to her neck, where she wore her own necklace, with a ring that was given to her. Griever was there, and my stomach twisted, and swallowing my saliva seemed harder than usual. I had _given_ her that damned ring, for keeps. No, I had given it to _Zell_. A while ago, Zell had asked me for it, appearing so flushed when asking, and I though it was just… his way of… telling me that… that he…

And hoping I was reading him right, I handed it over, like an indirect statement that I trusted him enough to hold such a possession. I almost playfully told him not to lose it, though it sounded more like a deadly warning...Only for him to mumble something about handing it over to Rinoa. I wasn't expecting that at all, and I wasn't expecting thepang in my chest to feel so tight and constricting, like pressure was pressing against it. He mused aloud how happy Rinoa would be, and I never thought joy and melancholy could form into one tone, but it did. And it came from Zell at that time.

It was that day… that I decided that such sorrowful emotion did not fit Zell's fiery personality.

I told the raven-haired beauty next to me that she could hang onto it forever, just before she left to be sealed away at the Sorceress Memorial. It was sort of my way of comforting her when she was scared.

It was only part of the reason I gave Zell the necklace now, because Rinoa was glued to the item she thought was a gift to her from the fearless leader Squall Leonhart, and Rinoa never seemed to take _off_ that ring; the one that was meant for Zell's finger.


	3. A Writers Plea

HI EVERYONE!! Crimson Vixen here !

Wow, it's been almost a year, huh? I never forgot about this story – in fact every few weeks or so I open it up to get working on it buuuuutt not much ever gets done. I'm in college now, so I have less time to work on things than I used to, but I REALLY wanna get crackin' again on this fic but hey! I need your help!

No promises to everyone, but although I DO have a plotline I'm going to follow, the **reason** the next chapter hasn't been written yet is because I need more things to fill it up. So I want you, my amazing readers, to shoot me ideas of what you want to see in the next chapter or in the story in general.

But please! No promises so don't be offended if I don't use your idea. I just want some motivation and triggers for my brain so I can deliver you all your much needed update. (I hope you are all even still interested in the story )

For instance I have a lotta people who want Squall to save Zell or for Squall to find out whats been happening for for there to be a fight between the two rivals and so on... just shoot me your thoughts and it'll be updated much faster!

You can even shoot me other pairing ideas, just so long as you keep in mind the pairing of this fic is squallzell cuz I LOVE them dearly and there is nowhere near enough of it. Also keep in mind that I may take your ideas but not use them right away. As always, I'd be very thankful and then mebbe we can re-rail this derailed piece of fiction. Thanks so much and ALL my love -

Vix


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